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Hate

I hate the fact that I am so emotional lately. I hate the fact that I am letting it override my logical side. I hate the fact that I am letting certain people/things dictate my mood. I hate that I am driving certain people crazy with it. It’s annoying even to me. I need to stop this…. It’s a tough process though. No one wants to look at their faults and it’s even harder to correct them. I have to though. I don’t want to be miserable. Why am I taking everything so personally? Ugh. This will pass but in the meantime it’s no fun. I’m sorry.

Shut up already!

I had a good weekend, which ended with my birthday yesterday. I decided I just wanted to hang out at home with T and the kids. He grilled me steak for dinner, which I wanted really bad because we hadn’t done that in a while. And my BFF made me the most F’N AWESOME Twilight Saga cake. I know, I know, I’m not 13 anymore but I don’t give a shit….I love the Twilight Saga!

Anyway, so after my pleasant weekend, today sucked ass. My boss is pissy because he’s under a lot of stress, work issues that you wouldn’t really understand unless you worked in the same kind of company I do. And anyone who has a boss knows when they’re pissy they let the crap roll downhill to you. So there’s that. With that said, this wasn’t what made my day crappy or my freakin neck so tense it feels like it’s gonna snap in two.

Here’s the issue: sometimes I don’t care about your problems. I just don’t. It’s not to be mean….it’s just that when you’ve told me said problem 50 times in 1 day and don’t want to listen to my feedback, I cease to care. Can’t you just be happy with what you’ve got?! This person I speak of is privileged, there’s no getting around that. Everything is catered to them. EVERYTHING. It’s really annoying, especially when I have to find my own way…. And this person is good at manipulating and gaining sympathy. The most difficult part is that although we’ve had issues in the past and I don’t trust them as far as I can throw them, against my better judgement I still like them. DAMN IT! I just wish that this person could look past them self every fucking once in a while. I really don’t think it’s that much to ask. Am I wrong? Idk, but I don’t think so. It’s not hard to tell when I don’t give a shit, I’ve been told my whole life that I don’t hide my feelings well at all. So I just wish the next time I give this person the blank “I don’t give a fuck” look, they would just politely go away. Not for forever, just until I have a grip on not wanting to punch their teeth thru the back of their skull!!

Ugh!!

I hoping for a better, non-violent thought filled day tomorrow.

i think

that i have figured this out for the most part, even tho it took most of my lunch break to do it. Now for the hard part: actually BLOGGING.

I have so much on my mind all the time…..I just don’t know how to put it down, on here, anywhere. It’s a common problem for me. Although I really don’t care what other people think of me for the most part, there is a tiny little corner that I very rarely ever visit in the back of my mind that does…. And it makes me pause when it comes to things like this.

"Who’s gonna read this? What if I say something I shouldn’t on here? What if I say something the way I am thinking it and it gets taken another way?" Blah, blah and so on. 

The best way to describe my problem is this: I have my Mom’s heart and My Dad’s way of thinking….. Those 2 things are complete opposites. My Dad was a great guy; he was straight forward and didn’t hold back on what he thought or felt. You ALWAYS knew where you stood with him. ALWAYS. My Mom is a sweet woman; she worries about EVERYTHING and doesn’t stand up for herself when she should. Sooooo, those things are constantly at war in my mind.

If you know me then you know I have a very bad mouth, don’t take shit attitude and I surround myself with people that aren’t fake or just around me for what I can offer them. I am me and you can take it or leave it. And while I project this on a daily, that tiny little corner that I very rarely ever visit in the back of my mind really, really wants everybody to like me and accept me.

I dunno

what exactly I am doing here. I think I want to get the random, crazy thoughts outta my head that sometime plague me but mostly entertain me. I just havent figured this site out. I will though damn it!!

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